MY JOURNEY GOES A LITTLE SOMETHING LIKE THIS...
Sunday morning worship. Tithes, offerings. Six days of sin followed by a seventh, where you grovel and beg forgiveness, just to repeat the same cycle. Waking up in the middle of the night, anxious you’ll spend eternity blistering in hell because you were born to lose unless you lived your life on your knees praying to a lily white man with bright blue eyes. A man whose appearance – and energy – favors your oppressor. Who makes you jump through hoops – and drink his blood – for a crumb of approval. Are we really that blind? Have we been so deeply mind-fucked that we can’t see that which doesn’t belong to us?
I was raised in the church, trained to live for the love of being connected to Christ. Raised with love to aspire to a modeled life of a strong and purified walk, hand in hand, with Christianity. My life was devoted to it. But my exultant connection with Christ? Girl, it never came – even though I spent my entire life in Catholic School, and sang in the gospel choir from the age of 5 until I was about 15.
Before you cry out, “Blasphemy,” please read this in entirety. I’m not some random talking out of my ass heathen. You’ve got to understand where I come from – so you can truly know where I’m coming from.
I beat myself up because I never experienced tears the ecstasy of having “the Spirit,” move me, or feeling God’s heartbeat pump love through my flesh and bones, or the spiritual experience of speaking in tongues. My life turned to shit when I was diagnosed with a brain disorder, my father died, and after trying every religion twice, I felt more isolated, fucked over, and alone than ever. They say nothing’s worse than heartbreak. They’re right – and wrong. Heartbreak sucks, but spiritual heartbreak will break your soul.
God broke my heart for the last time. I was told true Hell is when we’re truly isolated from God, in blistering flames of a spiritual inferno. But to be honest, Hell was already here in my earthly experience. Life was such a cruel fucking joke to me. But then a major spiritual event shook my soul to the core. It was some of the ugliest shit you could ever imagine. It’s crazy how the universe puts you through something to get a message through you. But sometimes that kind of delivery is exactly what you need to transform from a caterpillar to a butterfly.
But you know what? That was my point of transformation.
This experience shifted me. And unlike the spiritual struggles I experienced as a Christian, this? Girl… it was a breath of fresh air. It felt organic. Orgasmic. And totally Heaven-sent. Paradise wasn’t waiting for me after an existence of self-flagellation. Paradise was available to me right here, right now. And it was right under my nose the entire time.
I began to study and research. I conducted personal, private experiments to test theories, and then I watched my life started to fall into place. Specific requests – things I desired yet felt were impossible – were delivered with immaculate care and detail. Questions were answered in the form of miracles, a sense of serendipity I wouldn’t get in my former divinity no matter how long I’d spent on my knees, obsessed with finding God.
Which brings us to why we’re here.
Welcome!
Welcome!
